The ninth word

The ninth word

Abai Kunanbaev is the Shakesphere of Kazakh literature. His Book of Words, «Kara Sozder», created by the great thinker constitute an ethnic philosophical work. This creation of his is an exploration of Kazakh national life in the second half of the 19th century. He influenced social affairs in the country where he lived.

I have a strange attitude to my people and don’t understand whether I love or dislike them. If I loved them, then without any doubt I would approve their habits and would find among them at least one worthy of praise. My love would not allow my faith to fade if my people had the qualities inherent to the great people. But I do not have this faith.

And if I did not love, I wouldn’t ask for advice or even speak with my relatives, and would not share my innermost thoughts with them. I just could not communicate with them, and I wouldn’t care about what’s happening among them. I just would have gone. But I could not do even that. In vain, apparently, I consider myself to be an occupant of the earth. With a healthy body, I feel like a dead and do not know what the cause of the devastation of the soul is: whether a vexation for my people, or dissatisfaction with myself, or something else. I'm spiritually dead. I’m angry, but there is no anger in my soul; I laugh, but the heart is not beating with joy, talk, but the words seem to be strangers.

In my youth I didn’t have even a thought to leave my people and go somewhere else, I loved them and believed in them. Now I know the Kazakhs perfectly and do not see any enlightenment ahead. But it turned out that I have not any power to go to a foreign country and start a new life. However, what is this attempt for? Maybe, it is better, when the past does not cause even sadness: I can still live my last days trusting in the future, hoping for a miracle.